Almost a year ago, a story was published on Elite Daily by an anonymous runaway bride recounting her decision to call off her wedding. The story of her and her fiancé played out like a Lifetime movie: two young twenty-somethings who had a serendipitous meeting in Manhattan while interning in the city. Their whirlwind summer romance and string of dates eventually blossomed into a relationship that neither one had anticipated. The love came with all the trappings of a romance novel-heart wrenching long distance as the two finished college, moving into a small apartment together in a new city without a second thought, getting engaged with the same nonchalance one has when impulsively making a purchase. It was the type of relationship many of us have had, will have and can relate to; a magical connection that shrouds all logic and masks all incompatibilities until you’re in over your head.
Eventually, reality began to dawn on this “bride-to-be” who couldn’t quite get on board with wedding planning and the role of being a giddy, blushing bride. In the months leading up to her wedding day; she couldn’t ignore the stark differences in how her and her fiancé envisioned their futures. He pictured settling down, having kids, a dog, a large backyard and moving into a big home in suburbia; she pictured traveling the world, writing about various cultures and not having kids. She had wings and he had roots and while neither futures were wrong, both were undeniably ill-matched.
On a whim, this bride flew to Buenos Aires on assignment to solo travel through Argentina and Uruguay with hopes that she’d finally face her demons and decide what to do with her life. Away from New York and all the talk of wedding plans, this bride felt she could finally exhale and reflect on what she wanted out of life. In a moment that would stay with her forever, she found herself hiking the jungle paths of Iguazu near the border of Brazil; shamelessly asking herself What do I want? Without friends, family or her fiancé nearby, she surprised herself with how strong of an answer burst forth from her lips: I don’t want to get married. I’m not in love. There it was; an undeniable answer to a loaded question that had been lingering for months. She knew she had a choice: she could either change the course of her life now and give both her and her fiancé a shot at finding real happiness and a good match or she could file away her feelings and go through the motions of being a bride.
She called off her own wedding just weeks before it was to take place and as she sat amongst ripped up RSVPs, registry refunds and an excess of never-to-be-used wedding favors; she did the only thing she knew to do: tell her story. The story went live on Elite Daily one fall day and was debated over, commented on, praised and scorned but-like most things on the internet-eventually faded into oblivion. I am that runaway bride; that anonymous author who carried that connotation of having called off my own wedding the way one carries around heavy baggage. Being a travel writer, my work usually gets as personal as recounting destinations visited abroad, the taste of a delicious meal or serendipitous encounters with other travelers; but rarely do I dive into the details of my own personal life.
When I told my story of calling off my own wedding, it was to provide solace to any person who may finds themselves on the brink of a big life decision and trying to find the courage to choose a different path. Graduating college, getting a job, falling in love, having a wedding, getting a mortgage and having kids is the blueprint that many of us are handed for our lives; so to go against the status quo can be intimidating and greeted with eyebrow raises. Calling off my wedding was a heart wrenching experience that had a financial, emotional and mental toll. In a month’s time, I had seemingly lost my best friends, grew apart from my bridesmaids and even grew apart from family who couldn’t quite understand why I had runaway from marital bliss. The immediate aftermath of my decision was like pushing through a hurricane as I clung to that moment of clarity I had back in Iguazu and the unwavering strength and self-love I had found while solo traveling.
It’s been almost a year now and time has given me the gift of perspective as I reflect back on my decision to not walk down the aisle. Like the calm after a storm, the dust has settled and today this 27 year old runaway bride has chased her dreams of travel writing from Colombia to France, has been published in VICE, FOOD & WINE, Matador Network, Roads & Kingdoms and more and is on the brink of heading on assignment to Africa in 3 days and Vietnam in September.
On The Pin the Map Project, I have single handedly grown my small website into an online destination that is now part of the Mode Media Network (ranked #7 of the top 100 web properties and reaches 406 million readers worldwide). My website has blossomed and so too has my passion for travel writing as I make the switch from a 9-5 job in advertising to becoming a full time freelance writer and travel blogger. My life now is much different than what it once was yet is more reflective than ever of the person I truly am. I am living a life defined by my passion of writing, am in a new relationship with a wonderful man whose love of the arts and an unconventional life mirrors my own, live in a new neighborhood that is bursting with global flavors and am surrounded by friends who I bond with over the world of travel. My ex-fiance has moved to a new city where he lives happily with his best friend; and we keep in touch on occasion and remain on amicable terms.
While traveling in Argentina I clung to the book Wild as I resonated with Cheryl Strayed’s character and how she sought the unpredictability and freedom of the Pacific Crest Trail. There is a moment in the book when Cheryl reflects back on all the decisions she had made in the past few years that led her far down a path that seemed to have no return. In the wake of her mom’s death and subsequent collapse of her relationship, Cheryl loses herself and direction until she is in mud-covered boots in the wilderness with nothing but her thoughts: “Here’s some questions I’ve been asking myself: What if I forgive myself? What if I was sorry? But if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do a single thing different, what if all those things I did were the things that got me here?” Looking back on my own journey, on the choices and mistakes I’ve made and wrong turns I took along the way; I can’t say I would change a single thing because everything-moving to New York, falling in love, getting engaged, calling off my wedding, becoming a travel writer-led me to where I am today.
Read my post CONFESSIONS OF A RUNAWAY BRIDE and share your thoughts, comments and feedback below!
Pixics says
Your success is an inspiration. I actually love being married, and would never change that part of my journey, but everything you accomplished is something that I wish I could have as well. Thanks for sharing your story
What a wonderfully written personal piece! I love your story and your courage behind your choices. There is never an easy answer in situations like these, but all you can do is follow your heart. I also love that you wrote about “Wild,” since I just finished it and enjoyed it for the same reasons you did. Forgiving yourself is key to taking the path to where you need to go.
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Thank you! Yes, Wild was a wonderful book and I was reading it while solo traveling so it really resonated with me at such an intersection in my life.
Cheers,
Nikki
Thank you! I hope to one day marry when the timing is right and the relationship fits 🙂
Nikki
Heidi Li says
It must be difficult, that when you had to make such important decision, your family and best friends drifted apart instead of being around to support. A lot of people fall in unhappy marriage because they don’t have the courage to say “enough” and walk away before it’s too late or when it’s too late. It takes courage to make decisions and go against the current. You got it girl!! 🙂 Heidi
http://www.heidili.com
chewy travels says
It takes a lot of courage to do what you did! I think it’s a sign of knowing yourself well that you could say that this isn’t going to work for me and I know what I need to do now. It’s a part of your history and what makes you who you are today!
The Wandering Blonde says
I can only imagine the amount of courage it took to make this decision! There is SO much pressure-especially as females-to find a partner in life, and turning away from the person who you thought could have been your life partner must have been so scary and unnerving. Obviously, you made the right decision! I strongly believe that’s it’s easier to be happier alone, than it is to be happy with the wrong person. Good for you!
Thank you for this great post! You’re right, it was difficult to turn away as it would have been easier to stay together but at the end of the day we weren’t a good match and in calling it off I believe I gave both of us our best chance at finding happiness with someone!
Thank you! It’s a hard story to tell for sure and definitely not my style to get so personal but I do feel it is an important one as it shows it is never too late to make a change in your life and go in a different direction, that at the end of the day we always have a say.
Thanks Heidi 🙂 It was difficult and to be honest, it is something I still grapple with. Even the other day, I ran into my former maid of honor on the streets of NYC and where we used to be best friends, now we’re like strangers having a quick “how are you doing?” chat on the street before going our separate ways. I like to think it all happens for a reason and while hard, I know at the end of the day I made the best choice for myself 🙂
As said below, it takes so much courage to do what you did. I applaud you for making the difficult decision, and congratulate you on all that you’ve accomplished in this past year. It’s all very inspiring!
Sometimes life takes us to places that we aren’t ready to enter yet. You were lucky that you realized it wasn’t your time to settle down. I’m sure it must of been a difficult decision at the time. It sounds like you made the right decision.
Vickie Vu says
I can’t thank you enough for this personal piece of writing… I definitely really needed to read something like this. I’m 24 and I recently graduated from college. I am still soul searching and trying to find my true passion. I have alot of insecurities lately because of the uncertainty in my life. I crave to travel all over but finding it hard to with not enough income. Just yesterday, my ex and I broke up of being together for 4 years. He was ready to marry me but I’m the confused one. He’s well established and I’m not. I still love him more than one can imagine but I am not personally stable right now. This piece really gives me hope and makes me have faith that everything will be alright. I really appreciate you sharing this.
Ritika Purang says
Kudos to you for sharing this experience and I’m glad you got the clarity that you deserved. It almost seems the universe had that planned out for you. But more than that, it’s give me that push to pursue my dreams in the world of travel writing! I am currently dating this wonderful guy who I have been with for almost 5years now and the best part is that he understands my need to travel. It’s like meditation to me and he is always pushing me to do better and become the best version of myself daily!
In other news, I’m from Nairobi, Kenya, so take it from me, you definitely need to visit this side of Africa (now it probably looks like doing PR for this country but I’m only just saying the truth :))
I would love to visit Kenya one day! Thanks for sharing your story 🙂 I agree, it is so crucial that the person you are in a relationship with supports your dreams. I am in a new relationship now and it is much more in tune with my lifestyle, which makes a world of a difference!
I am very happy that my writing helped you and offers solace at such a confusing time! I know what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning in your own life and as hard as it is to tell this story of mine, I share it because I know it would have helped me to read someone else’s story like this when I was going through it all.
You’re young and it’s okay to be confused! Follow your passions and listen to your heart. Here’s the thing about finding the right person-no matter where you are and what you do, they will always be there for you. You should be able to chase your dreams and have your love-not choose between the two.
Good luck!
Thanks for your comment 🙂 It was a hard choice but I never regret it and am thankful everyday that I had the courage to make it so I could give both my ex-fiance and I our best shot at finding happiness with the right person.
Thank you Kate! It’s been a whirlwind and sometimes I’m not able to believe how different my life is from what it was. It’s always nice to read these comments and know my work touches someone and inspires them 🙂
Babak says
This is one of the most instructive, loving, and authentic stories I’ve come across. Thanks for sharing your life lesson and doing it so eloquently. What I love about it is that you love yourself more than anything else in the world and that is why you are happy! Also between fear and love, you chose love in this scenario (As contradictory as it might sound, that’s what you rightfully chose to do). God bless you. Keep on traveling, exploring, and being Happy 🙂
Thank you for your incredibly kind words, Babak! It truly was wonderful to read this comment and I’m glad you enjoyed the story. It is a difficult one to tell but if it has the power to inspire even one person than it’s worth telling.
I absolutely love everything about this story Nikki! I am in a very similar position as you (minus the wedding part). As a little girl I was always exploring, writing stories, climbing trees, and letting my imagination be my guide through life. Somewhere along the way, I too, got caught up in the “here’s what you do at this age” expectations, tied myself down to a house in Des Moines, Iowa. It took me almost losing that home for a second time to realize that, at 33, I was living a life that was in no way, authentically me. My dreams were to write, and travel and just make every single day an adventure that I was grateful to experience. So I took a big leap of faith and I put my house on the market, not knowing exactly how this chapter of my life would play out. But for sure, my heart is leading the way now. I sit in my job in corporate America managing a business magazine and I know that I’m destined to be elsewhere. I know that my talents can be used toward a much greater good. So my dream is to move to New York as soon as my house sells, and I want to start my own freelancing business. Once I get a handle on that, then I want to become a blogger myself. Conversational writing and storytelling is my heart and soul and I cannot wait to feed that passion. I told a friend the other night that my wings were ready, it’s just a matter of time before I fly. Thank you so very much for writing this because whenever I see stories like this, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I’m headed in the right direction. I would absolutely love to meet you if the opportunity ever presented itself 🙂 Bravo on this choice, sending nothing but positivity and admiration your direction! 🙂
Shawnna