The Friends we Have (and Lose) in our Twenties

 

Here’s to the girlfriends of my twenties—the unreliable, selfish and disloyal, the inspiring, supportive and faithful, the witty, cultured and savvy, the uninteresting, shallow and judgmental. In your twenties you watch as a parade of friends cross the stage of your life in a brilliant display of meaningful friendships, short lived encounters and superficial acquaintances.

 

There’s the semi-alcoholic friend whose rallying cry of “Fireball shots!” can be heard around the bar on any given night. The type of friend whose choices are questionable but somehow has the audacity to judge you for your life choices. She is the type who will never care to know about your life but will always talk about dating, men and drama over potent cocktails until 5 am. You’ll enjoy her vivacity and spontaneity but, like a flimsy stage set, will realize there is little behind her festive facade. She will never be there when you fall, will never know you beyond the perimeters of a party and will likely fade into liquor-fueled memories never to be thought of again.

 

There’s the high maintenance girl whose princess like tendencies are matched only by her incessant complaining over the restaurant you chose, the plans that were made, the time you will meet or even the texts that you sent. For reasons unknown you’ll cater to her whims, will push past her blatant eye rolls whenever you share good news, just to realize that this is not what friendship should be. Maybe you’ll tire of being greeted with disdain should you dare share the news of a new boyfriend or a new job opportunity; perhaps you’ll lament having to meet her demands but eventually you’ll walk away.

 

There’s the friendship that never quite got off the ground-that girl whose interests aligned perfectly with yours and who-after just one drink-left you thinking at long last you have found a friend who just gets you. You leave drinks already imagining hanging out on weekends, discussing travel over brunch, texting each other wanderlust-inducing articles and becoming best friends bonded by shared passions. Instead, the friendship will have never taken off-will instead live between sporadic e-mails and promises to grab drinks and the one or two times you actually do. Blame the city, blame scheduling, blame New York but some things simply aren’t meant to be.

 

There’s the friend that will actually become your best friend-the girl that will know you on levels you barely know yourself. The type of friend that will see you at your worst with mascara-stained cheeks and saddened eyes and who will celebrate you at your best. The grand entrance and exit of this friend will prove the hardest. You will have brought them into your world, spent years growing together and revealing all facets of your personality to them. You’ll try to rekindle the friendship, will make attempts to meet for drinks or do a yoga class together but like a shattered vase that’s beyond fixing you’ll realize the pieces can never be put back together. Perhaps your friendship will fade naturally as you two drift in different directions; maybe one of you will disappear into the arms of a man, perhaps something as complicated as money will muddy up the waters. Whatever the reason for the friendship’s collapse, unlike the others this friend will leave a mark and always leave you with nostalgia and insecurity over why such a great relationship fizzled.

 

There’s the friend you never see; the type that months-even years-may pass and somehow when you finally do see each other it will seem as though you were together yesterday. Hers is the type of allusive and effortless friendship that stands the test of time. She will never judge, never waver in her loyalty and will simply grow with you-despite miles between you.

 

There is the friend that is a bully. You’ll be enjoying happy hour at 8 pm on a Tuesday and somehow-through her bullying, persistence and insults-you’ll find yourself stumbling home on having had too many tequila shots at 4 am. This is the type of friend that you dread having to tell you’ve decided to spend the night at home, for hell hath no fury like the rain of insults she’ll hurl at you. Sure enough, after being called “lame” and “loser” enough times this friendship like so many others will just fade into the background of your mind.

 

There is the friend who is suddenly too cool to spend time with you. You may have bonded over dive bars and late night pizza but now they have moved on to brand name clubs, complicated cocktails, over-the-top hairstyles and starved model-esq friends. You may have a touch of nostalgia for the days when this person’s ego wasn’t larger than life but then again you are perfectly happy with your $7 beer and pizza slice.

 

Then there’s the friend who simply stays. Perhaps it’s a friend you meet in the unlikeliest way while backpacking in Europe or maybe it will be the love of your life. It’s the type of friendship that is effortless and where there is genuine interest, love and support for the other person; where when one falls and the other will catch them and when one succeeds, the other is the greatest fan of their life. It’s the type of friendship that will span a lifetime; the type of love and friendship that is like a diamond in the rough and lights up your life.

 

It’s been said that our twenties are the most formative years we’ll experience for it is only in our twenties do we truly grow and learn who we are and what we want out of life. All of a sudden friendships become less about quantity over quality, and surrounding yourself with people who make your life better becomes paramount. Let the gaggle of girls pass you by then; let them take nothing and leave nothing more but memories and the realization that you are much stronger, smarter and lovelier than they ever gave you credit for. At the end of the day, life takes you exactly where you need to go and brings you to who you are meant to meet.