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I have two photos in my apartment from my past, they are both slightly bent around the edges and show a young man smiling while holding a baby. Mountains cascade in the background, a city lays sprawled out beneath the balcony and signs in Spanish remain barely visible. On the back of one of the photos is a child’s handwriting—my handwriting—that simply says: “Daddy and me in Colombia or Miami.”
Although now it is obvious the backdrop of the photo is not Miami, these 7 words written when I was less than 7 years old are a testament to how little I know about my early childhood; unable to identify when I left Colombia. Since I was little I have enjoyed snippets of my Colombian heritage in the form of Cumbia and Salsa music played at family parties, treats like bocadillos brought in from relatives and Spanish jokes swapped between family and friends over glasses of red wine. I have always been quick to call myself Colombian but have never taken the time to connect with my roots and revisit my country until till now.
I am going to Colombia for the first time since i was a little girl. I booked my ticket on a whim and now have a flight to Cartagena planned for next month. For someone who is always bursting with words, I can’t seem to find the right ones to capture how much this trip means to me. I have always identified myself as Colombian and drawn pride from my country of birth, yet when push comes to shove I barely know anything about my roots.
Moving to New York was like embarking on a journey of self discovery. This city tests your will and strength as you work to build a name for yourself amongst all the dreamers elbowing their way to the top. I have been in New York for almost 2 years now and it would seem I have achieved everything I set out to do, yet I am learning that success does not always equate to happiness. A promotion doesn’t always translate to a smile and making it in New York does not always mean you’ve made it in life. I think happiness comes from within and ultimately from knowing who we are and what we want in life. I am still grappling with those questions but it occurred to me that how can anyone figure out who they are without knowing where they’re from.
I don’t pretend that a trip to Colombia will unlock the secrets of the universe, but I do know that it will unlock a part of myself that has been shut tight since the moment I left that country and the moment I let my heritage slip away.
