Writer Virgina Wolf once wrote that “across the broad continent of a woman’s life falls the shadow of a sword.” She argued that on one side of that sword rests convention, order and tradition where the ideals of a “normal life” as dictated by society are revered. On the other side of that sword is spontaneity, chaos and confusion and that if a woman is mad enough to cross over, her life would prove perilous but infinitely more interesting.
My social media is a testament to that great shadow of a sword–on one side images of birth announcements, wedding photos and purchased homes pour forth like a parade; while on the other side are snapshots of friends who are backpacking the world, volunteering in third world countries or moving abroad. The notion of what it means to have a life well-lived has evolved over time as women look beyond marital bliss and bouncing babies and toy around with the idea of chasing their dreams or (gasp!) daring to have it all.
I recently came across this video on Matador Network that depicts female travelers as these irrestible flight risks one should avoid falling in love with at all costs. I am constantly confronted by the idea that love and travel do not mix and men shouldn’t look to date a girl who travels; it’s written in articles, glorified in films and debated over in blog posts as popular opinion seems to paint female travelers as these allusive shooting stars that light up one’s life and fade away just as quickly. As a travel journalist, in the past year alone I have traveled through Paris and London to review hotels, ridden camels in the Sahara Desert, went on assignment in Colombia, went back in time in New Orleans and am soon headed to Jamaica, Punta Cana and California-and I’ve done it all while in a relationship. As a travel writer my life can prove anything but predictable but as much as I prioritize traveling; I also hold dear the idea of having a home base in New York.
Female travelers are often depicted as unpredictable and having given up the trappings of a “conventional” life in lieu of globetrotting. Having crossed over that metaphorical shadow of a sword, the world would have us believe we are in uncharted territory where choosing our passions have come at the cost of finding love or one day having a home. Yet, during my travels I’ve come across backpacking parents (some with a baby in tow!) or couples that have bonded over a shared love of wanderlust. While dating a traveler may have a certain level of unpredictability–as you could be in New York today and England five days from now–it is often that sense of unyielding adventure and unwavering determination to see the world that can be so charming. The moment a traveler sacrifices who they are in a relationship is the second that love will start to decline. It might be an imperceptible shift but like a weed that winds its way through a garden, the compromise of self will always start to chip away at romance.
So yes, while travelers may live life on the the fly, they–like anyone else chasing a passion–are true to who they are and what they love. Do love and travel mix? With a resounding yes, I say they do because what doesn’t mix are people, not passions. Love, like life, is rooted in timing and luck and while one friend may have found marital bliss at the age of 27 doesn’t mean your happy ending is obsolete simply because you heart flutters with the thrill of booking a trip. As the saying goes, “maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed, maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with” and when it comes to travelers, the question is not whether you should date one but rather, if you can keep up.
Do you think love & travel mix? How do you balance a relationship and wanderlust? Share your comments, questions and feedback below!
